#WeNeedToTalk: Friendships That I Long For

Photo by Axel Eres on Unsplash

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be someone’s person.
Not just a friend in passing. Not just someone they admire from afar or occasionally engage with on social media. But someone they call when the world gets heavy. Someone they choose — again and again.

A Christina to my Meredith.
(If you don’t get that reference… where have you even been the last 20 years?)

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized just how deeply I crave that kind of connection. The kind that not only feels safe but also feels real. One that’s not rooted in codependency, but in true interdependence. That knows when to give space and when to share space. Where I can show up fully — loud, quiet, joyful, exhausted, flawed — and still be seen and loved.

But something no one really prepares you for is how friendships start to shift out of nowhere as you get older. How the tone of a text starts feeling oddly formal. How communication slows. How the ease of connection becomes… strained. And one day, you realize the person you once held so close might not need you anymore. Or worse — might not want you anymore.

And sometimes… I wonder if it’s me.
If I did something wrong.
If I changed too much or not enough.
If something in me made them adjust the way they see me — or the place I hold in their life. That part hurts more than I care to admit.

I think about those friendships that quietly faded.
The ones where I gave more than I got.
The ones where I thought we wanted the same things.
The ones that shifted when I started speaking more boldly.

Maybe some people just weren’t ready for the fullness of me. Maybe they preferred the version of me who didn’t challenge them to grow or confront hard truths. Or maybe I had unrealistic expectations of what friendship was supposed to be.

My mom always said you have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
And while I’ve had plenty seasonal friendships and ones that I’ve learned from… I just want to find that lifetime one. The one that stays.

Because truthfully? I’ve spent so much of my life being strong. The encourager. The safe space. The listener. The connecter. And I don’t regret it — it’s who I am. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes wish someone would say,
“You don’t always have to be the strong one. I’ve got you, too.”

So here I am — still showing up as I am. Still hoping. Still believing that somewhere out there are people who will love and accept of all of me. Who want the same kind of depth and connection. Who don’t flinch at my truth or feel threatened by my strength. Who choose me because they see me and because I’m a vital addition to their life. Who truly show that I matter to them.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that being soft and strong at the same time is not a flaw. That wanting deep friendship isn’t too much and that longing for something isn’t weakness.

And maybe… someone needed to hear this too. If that’s you, I see you.

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